thoughts

Don't leave me alone with my thoughts.
They hurt me.

I'll go wherever you will go.
Just don't leave me alone.
The darkness creeps in, shadowing my edges as you pull away, overtaking me when you turn.
I'm not strong enough.

I know it's wrong.
I know my thoughts shouldn't hurt.
I fight them, always.
Sometimes I win. Sometimes I'm just so tired.

Sometimes the best feeling is blank.
Nothingingness is better than being carved like Picasso's sculpture; the blade of memories knows exactly where to slice, again and again.
So many mistakes.
So many wounds inflicted by my own ignorance.
So many wounds to rip open, again and again.

I'm not lost.
I know what's happening here.
Some days I can corner it, cage it in a little box in the bottom of my mind.
Some days I'm too dizzy and I can't find the key.

I need a little help.
Just hold me up.
Don't leave me alone.


~

Some days, I just need to write for catharsis - just get it out, out of my head so it will stop hounding me, stop the darkness from swallowing me.


[Italicized lines from "Wherever you will go" by The Calling.]