r is for reality: a statement of being

My spirituality is my reality.

This is not a phase, or an act of rebellion.

This is not a game or something I chose to profess belief in for the sake of politics.

This is not a hobby I practice in my spare time.

This is integral to my thoughts, behaviors, and choices, every moment, every day.

My worldview is what it is, not because I liked this view best, but because this is the reality I perceive, whether I like it or not.

~

I'm tired of hearing people tell others that their reality isn't real. It's not just pagans, though I addressed the above statement to the disparagement many pagans hear when their spiritual path becomes known. I doubt there's a box we put each other in that isn't questioned. Any identifier is fair game; I've heard everything from the spiritual to the mundane, from the sexual to the political, and even medical.

These are all actual examples:
(Except the italicized parts. Those happened in my head. 
Well, some of them were out loud, but not all of them.)

"You're not really depressed. You look fine to me."
(Oh really? Who died and made you my psychiatrist?)

[To a transman friend of mine] "What's your real name?"
(*Masculine name* IS his real name; why does his  birth name matter to you? When women in the US get married and take their husband's last name, is their new name fake? It's not their birth name, after all... oh, but you don't like that analogy.)

"Oh you're an artist? That's cool. Are you thinking about getting a real job someday?"
(...No, I prefer my soul intact, thanks.)

"Are you still in that gay phase?"
(Are you still in that ignorant phase?)

"You don't look like a real lesbian."
(Sorry, I guess I forgot to wear my label today, asshole.)

"He's not a real black man."
(Um, what's a fake black man look like? 
I promise you, he does NOT look like a Ken doll under those jeans.)




All of the above piss me off. Perhaps that was obvious?
But to keep things on topic, I'll stick to this one for today:

"Did you become a witch to piss of your parents like the rest of those goth kids? Haven't you outgrown that rebellion phase yet?"

Yeah, someone actually said that to me. It was a long time ago, but I still hear those familiar strains spoken around me, though not usually to me anymore (I find myself less inclined to hang around assholes long enough for them to speak). Haven't we had enough yet? So what if my reality doesn't match yours? Are you so miserable in your world that you require my company?

Well fuck you, I'm not drinking your kool-aid.

~

It seems appropriate to repost this:



I'm a huge fan/supporter of this cause; it's a reality I'm willing to try to share.

(Link on my side bar, and in the original post.)

~

And just for fun:

That made me laugh.

o is for ... observing the divine

I see what you did there.

Or, namaste.

~

The first time I ever tried explaining to someone that I felt all people had divinity within them, he broke up with me. It was the summer between high school and college, and I thought I might love him.

~

These days, I recognize myself as something of an animist, not quite a pantheist - I believe we all have the divine within us, which people commonly refer to as souls or spirits, but there are also other divine energies, which are both separate and connected. We are of the same stuff, and entwined, but our directions, our personalities, our essences, vary. And by 'we' I mean all things.

~

I like to sit on my front porch and watch the world go by. It's a good spot for it. There's a regular troop of people with dogs walking by, a car or three crawling up the hill every five to fifteen minutes, occasional visits from the neighbors' cats or stray dogs, and the weather's almost perpetually pleasant. It feels connected, but not rushed. It's soothing. It's my namaste to the world.

n is for... needs

"N" is for ... Necessity. Nincompoops. Normalcy. Need.

 This is what happens when I just start writing. Nincompoop is fun to say. Ninnnnnn Commmmmm Poo-Pah.

But I get bored with it easily. And now I'm done.

I don't feel much like writing today. I don't feel much like being home today. I feel like taking a walk. A hike, even. I want to go somewhere. I want to break free from life, from the daily shit. I want to do something interesting. I don't want to be here, fighting with my child to try to finish their schoolwork. I want to leave.

(I did leave. I went for a walk. It cleared my head. I needed that, clearly.)

~

I've been doing a lot of thinking about my home, and what that means to me. I hate to use this as a literary crutch, but I'm tellin ya, if you know how Virgos stereotypically feel about their homes, then you know how I feel. I fall directly into that category. In case you don't: I'm a very earth-bound critter, and my home is my cave. I'm in the process of figuring out what I need to be happiest with my cave. Right now it's a bit messy, and it's driving me absolutely-up-a-fucking-wall. Tomorrow, I hope I'll be able to spend some more time on making it right.

Since I got back from Rwanda, I've had a lot of trouble feeling 'at home' in my home. It's not just the house guests, it's also the rearranging my mother did while she was house-and-child-sitting for me, and the general chaos of a house insufficiently tended for the past three weeks. My house wasn't even quite the way I wanted it when I left. There were things to be done that I hadn't been able to get to, either due to time or money. Now I'm back, trying to settle in, and I'm seeking normalcy in my home, without knowing what that will look like when I find it.

What do I need?

"Space and light and order. Those are the things that men need just as much as they need bread or a place to sleep." -Le Corbusier (1887-1965)

I'm finding that to be true.
It's not enough that my house shelters me and has a functional refrigerator - though I'm grateful that I have such amenities. Like a good believer in Maslow, I'm now seeking something more. And like any other zoo animal, I need an enriched environment. It makes me happier and more active, each of which feed an upward spiral.

A big part of what I'm focusing on right now is how to set up my alter space. I need some sort of space for rituals. Right now, I don't have that. My alter 'stuff' is all hanging out, neatly arranged, on top of my dresser - not a good spot for it. I don't use it there. It's more of a safe storage space until I find a better solution.

I also need a painting space, and an art-stuff-storage space. And a place to sit down and read. (Maybe I just need a bigger house.)

~

So, what are the necessary components for my worship space?

I need:
- to be able to sit comfortably in front of my alter
- an alter space that won't be disturbed, or a portable alter
- quiet, but with music available when I need it
- a calm feeling


... That's a start. Time to get to work.