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27 August 2012

n is for... needs

"N" is for ... Necessity. Nincompoops. Normalcy. Need.

 This is what happens when I just start writing. Nincompoop is fun to say. Ninnnnnn Commmmmm Poo-Pah.

But I get bored with it easily. And now I'm done.

I don't feel much like writing today. I don't feel much like being home today. I feel like taking a walk. A hike, even. I want to go somewhere. I want to break free from life, from the daily shit. I want to do something interesting. I don't want to be here, fighting with my child to try to finish their schoolwork. I want to leave.

(I did leave. I went for a walk. It cleared my head. I needed that, clearly.)


I've been doing a lot of thinking about my home, and what that means to me. I hate to use this as a literary crutch, but I'm tellin ya, if you know how Virgos stereotypically feel about their homes, then you know how I feel. I fall directly into that category. In case you don't: I'm a very earth-bound critter, and my home is my cave. I'm in the process of figuring out what I need to be happiest with my cave. Right now it's a bit messy, and it's driving me absolutely-up-a-fucking-wall. Tomorrow, I hope I'll be able to spend some more time on making it right.

Since I got back from Rwanda, I've had a lot of trouble feeling 'at home' in my home. It's not just the house guests, it's also the rearranging my mother did while she was house-and-child-sitting for me, and the general chaos of a house insufficiently tended for the past three weeks. My house wasn't even quite the way I wanted it when I left. There were things to be done that I hadn't been able to get to, either due to time or money. Now I'm back, trying to settle in, and I'm seeking normalcy in my home, without knowing what that will look like when I find it.

What do I need?

"Space and light and order. Those are the things that men need just as much as they need bread or a place to sleep." -Le Corbusier (1887-1965)

I'm finding that to be true.
It's not enough that my house shelters me and has a functional refrigerator - though I'm grateful that I have such amenities. Like a good believer in Maslow, I'm now seeking something more. And like any other zoo animal, I need an enriched environment. It makes me happier and more active, each of which feed an upward spiral.

A big part of what I'm focusing on right now is how to set up my alter space. I need some sort of space for rituals. Right now, I don't have that. My alter 'stuff' is all hanging out, neatly arranged, on top of my dresser - not a good spot for it. I don't use it there. It's more of a safe storage space until I find a better solution.

I also need a painting space, and an art-stuff-storage space. And a place to sit down and read. (Maybe I just need a bigger house.)


So, what are the necessary components for my worship space?

I need:
- to be able to sit comfortably in front of my alter
- an alter space that won't be disturbed, or a portable alter
- quiet, but with music available when I need it
- a calm feeling

... That's a start. Time to get to work.

1 comment:

  1. My altar is in my bedroom, so when I lie in bed I'm right in front of it. When it comes to portability, I like some of the guidance offered by Scott Cunningham (mostly because I used to do before I read his books lol). Anyway, I just create an altar space with what's available: sand, rocks, vegetation, chocolate...

    I hope you get what you need.