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22 April 2012

Spring into Fitness Check-in...Weeks 2 & 3, last week... well. Let's just move on, shall we?

The past two weeks felt more like a month. I've been struggling with my depression, and breaking even on the better days. The new meds that the psychiatrist ordered for me haven't come yet. So the Water goal of better managing my depression has been very challenging. I have been more conscious of my diet, though. Meaning I'm trying to eat well, to better facilitate happiness over depression. I'm trying to get enough sleep, and generally doing ok with that. And overall, I'm ok with where I am in this part of the challenge. I'm taking more care to notice when I'm feeling down and to differentiate between the general feelings of depression and the feelings which are symptomatic of depression (for me, those tend to manifest as irrational fears, often associated with equally irrational fears of abandonment). The positives are this: my growing understanding of my self, and of my fears, is leading to a greater level of self-awareness, which in turn makes it easier for me to accept (read: not feel guilty over) the fact that I do get depressed. So when I'm down, I'm less likely to spiral further downward. Summarized assessment: I'm holding my own in the emotional context, and still making minute, but noticeable, progress in the cognitive context.

Fire goal (exercising)... I totally fell off the wagon on this one, this week. The weather was inhibitory for horseback riding on both the days I had scheduled to go (way too windy - makes the horses spooky, which can be dangerous). I was feeling so down and over-scheduled (bad combination), that I completely, flat-out failed to go hiking. No points for this. Better luck next week.

Earth (housekeeping, housewarming)... Week 2 was not so good. Week 3 was much better. I got so behind on housekeeping in week 2, that it made my depression worse. Which probably isn't really saying all that much. But it did bother me. So this past week, I got totally caught up on laundry and planted flowers in my front yard. I'm very pleased with myself on the flowers' behalf. I also de-scheduled two of my days this week and spent those afternoons cleaning Archer's house while he was gone. That was far more rewarding than I had expected. Which is saying quite a bit, because I had expected to enjoy doing that for him. I had been looking forward to it, even. I had expected something like this: he would notice that I had cleaned, appreciate it, and hopefully spend less time stressing out over and cleaning his house, which would hopefully mean a more relaxing weekend for him (which doesn't happen nearly enough). What happened was this: he noticed, was absolutely thrilled, and spent zero time stressing out over or cleaning his house, and had a remarkably relaxing weekend, and spent the majority of the weekend just hanging out with me. Win! I think I might make this a habit. Seriously, there were zero drawbacks.

The other bonus occurred to me just as he was leaving today, when he thanked me for taking care of him. I hadn't really thought of it in those terms, though it seems obvious in hindsight, and that's important because he has taken care of me immeasurably. Even from the most practical, mundane perspective, his help to me has been literally immeasurable - I lost count months ago. Spiritually... well, I wouldn't be capable of writing this, or anything in this blog, if not for his catalytic hand. So for him to thank me  for taking care of him... that was big, for me. I have felt so indebted to him, more in the past several months than ever; it was relieving to know that at least in some small way, I'm beginning to return the favor.

Air (prioritizing my schooling) - this is going well. The semester's nearly over, and in the past two weeks I've only missed two classes - and that was to take Child to the state testing, which was unavoidable. No skipping classes for this one, and I'm staying caught up. Also, I've increased my efforts at finding scholarships and grants so that I can actually afford the gas to get myself to school.

Spirit: I'm growing, and that's good. I'm learning every day, and coming closer to the lessons I need to learn (see here).

Mundane Goals: I fit into my skinny corsets (and shirts)!!!! WOOT! Not quite into the skinny pants yet...

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