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23 January 2012


When you ask me why I'm feeling down, my mind skips over all the proximal causes, jumping straight to the ultimate causes - which are nebulous at best. That's where I get confused. I know the triggers but not the hand that squeezes.

But, talking about the triggers would probably show the hand.

I need to stop that. When my mind skips ahead, I need to trace the route back.

I want to start that conversation, but find myself lacking the words. Even when you ask, I don't know how to respond.

...except, I do know how. So, what's stopping me?

[I'm such a visual person] When I look inwards to identify what's blocking me, I picture a web-like wall between me and my words - they're there, just beyond the haze, screaming at me, too fast to catch. Maybe all that stops me is the horror of walking through cobwebs.

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